3 Reasons you are Trapped in a Job you Hate

Feeling trapped in a job you hate is not a fun place to be. It can seem like there is no way out, and that there is no hope for the future. Your world starts to get smaller and every day feels like a grind. You feel like your soul is evaporating in front of your eyes.

Feeling trapped is deeply frustrating. Yet many people remain in jobs they dislike because the costs of change feel too high (Harvard Business Review).

But you are never as stuck or trapped as you think you are. It is usually an imaginary prison that you have created for yourself.

Here are 3 common reasons you are trapped in a job you hate, and how to overcome them.

Trapped in a Job you Hate - Reason One

Lack of Clarity

You are often trapped because you are not clear on your options and how to assess them.

The way to overcome this can seem counter-intuitive. You need to take a step back and focus on self-discovery.

This is about gaining clarity on who you are right now, what is causing the discomfort around your work, and what is most important to you.

This is the groundwork that needs to be done before you can identify and assess your options.

There are five fundamental questions that I have found to be most important for achieving this clarity and for getting rid of all the confusion and noise.

• What are strengths you love using, and what is your “natural” (not learned) core skill-set?

• What are your biggest needs?

• What are your most important values?

• What is your “ideal role” and your “non-negotiables?

• What is your future vision for who you want to be, what you want to have, and what you want to be doing?

You might think you know these, but if you can’t write them down with confidence within 15 minutes then there is more work to be done.

Once you are clear on these five questions you can start to assess where the gaps are, and to start to think about your options.

Read more here about how to determine if you need to make a small, medium or large change.

Reason Two for Being Trapped in a Job You Hate

Defence Mechanisms

We all have psychological defence mechanisms that are designed to protect you and keep you safe. Defence mechanisms distort reality and help you avoid experiencing unwanted thoughts or emotions. In the short-term, they reduce your anxiety and boost your self-esteem.

But these defence mechanisms also prevent you from seeing the reality of your situation. They often cause you to stay trapped in an unhappy situation.

And these can be very challenging obstacles to overcome, especially if you can’t see which ones are in play

Gaining a better understanding of which defence mechanisms are keeping you trapped requires a bit of digging. But once you realise what is going on it is very liberating.

On the surface, these defense mechanisms often show up as procrastination, blame, fear and anger. 

But under the surface there is often denial. For example, a refusal to acknowledge just how miserable the work situation has become. Or there is repression - for example, attempting to suppress the emotions you feel on a Monday morning at work. And there are many more, such as projection, distortion, dissociation and intellectualisation.

A great way to get started is to ask yourself what the hidden payoff is for remaining stuck in your current situation. And to reflect on what scares you about the prospect of making a change.

As a career coach for men over 40, I help my clients to explore the reality of their situation and to look at their limiting beliefs.

I also felt trapped in a role and struggled for motivation - read more about me and how I was able to overcome burnout and transition to a more fulfilling career.

Being Trapped - Reason Number Three

Waiting for Permission to Change

Your ideas around your identity and your perception of the established roles in a relationship can be very hard to shake off.

You might see yourself as the bread winner, or feel a duty to give others a certain quality of life. You might feel like you are letting others down if you put yourself first and make a change. Or that you have failed if you walk away from your current career.

It is very common to believe that we need someone’s permission or approval to get out of a situation that is not working for us.

But the reality is that you deserve to live a fulfilling life and to have a fulfilling career.

And the only person you need permission from to start making positive changes is yourself. When you realise this, and when you really start to believe this, you will feel liberated. You will start to feel lighter and so many new possibilities will start to emerge.

Read more about “what is a midlife crisis?”

How to Move On from a Job You Hate

Want help to overcome feeling trapped in your job?

Book a free Discovery Call to understand how I can help you determine what is keeping you trapped and how to start mapping out a more fulfilling future.

Author: Tim Storrie

-------------- About the Author: Tim Storrie

I'm an ICF-accredited career coach with an Oxbridge education, an MBA and a corporate background.

Drawing from my own mid-life experience of burnout and transition to a more fulfilling career - I help men over 40 with symptoms of burnout, and who are feeling lost and frustrated, to find a career that excites them by gaining clarity and confidence.

My coaching approach is both nurturing and challenging, and combines a structured, exercise-based approach with a focus on getting to the underlying heart of the matter.

Would you like to understand how career coaching can help you get clarity on a more fulfilling future?

Book a free Discovery Call at: https://www.timstorriecoaching.com/contact-me